Dreams

What do you dream about? Do you dream about changing the world? Do you dream about having a wonderful family? Do you dream about being rich? Do you dream about being famous? Do you dream about friends? Do you dream about success? Do you dream about cars? Do you dream about beer? Do you dream about God? Do you dream about a lack of God? Do you dream about the weekend? Do you dream about sleep? Do you dream about kids? Do you dream about the next best thing?

The reason I ask is I feel that I don’t dream. I feel as if I exist, but do not dream. Have I suppressed the dreams inside of me for so long that they are no longer a roaring lion, but instead a mute? I know they are there, but there is a lost connection that is not allowing me to bridge the gap between reality and dreams. This is not a hopeless place, but instead a neutral one. I neither hope nor despair. I exist. Anyone I have talked to at length should remember me saying I am not the visionary, but instead the one that helps the visionary achieve the vision. Is that fulfilling? Borrowing someone else’s dream to be able to feel something? I do not think living this way allows for a happy ending. It allows for a neutral ending.

To be fair, my girls are amazing and having them in my life kicks me into a high gear of dreaming and living. However it is not sustainable. It cannot carry me through. If living just consists of living, then it is lacking. Dreams breath life into life. Dreams propel a person to new heights. Yes, dreams are idiotic. Life is idiotic.  It is when you can pursue the idiocy and actually catch it-that is when something will click for you. I encourage everyone who is just living to instead dream. The living will take care of itself.

Terrible dedication…

So the last thing I post is Mustache March. Amazing. So much has happened since then. I quit my doctoral program. We had our second child June. I got a promotion at work. We moved back to the East side. We attempted to short sell our house. It will be foreclosed on Monday the 29th barring any last minute short sale offers. I turned 32 this month. So a lot has happened.

I think I am determined again to start typing my random thoughts into this blog and seeing how it goes. I would like to capture my ramblings as I sort through the direction the family is going.

Wish me luck, all three of my readers…

Mustache March!

Indeed it is…indeed it is…

Procrastination…what a bitch!

I am nearly done with a 25-30 entry Annotated Bibliography. Only have a 15-20 page paper and a 5-8 page paper to go. All due by Saturday at 11pm. The unfortunate thing is that I knew all of these things were due 10 weeks ago. What a mistake…The biggest problem is that writing for a doctorate is not like writing for a MBA. The other issue is that all of these damn articles I have to summarize for the bibliography are 30 pages long.

In reality this is all my fault for not working on it earlier. Oh and for just enjoying myself in Puerto Rico rather than working on homework (more on that to follow).

First week down…

Finished a five year plan and a four page reflection paper last night! Having a supportive wife goes a long way to being successful in this program! I wanted to share my plan, but do not know how to attach a file. Anyone out there that can help?

Shows I don’t want to give up…

Shows that I will continue to watch intermittently while pursuing my Doctorate:

Fringe

Heroes

House

Dollhouse

Modern Family

Cougar Town

V

Glee

There are a couple more, but those are the main ones. I have eliminated casual viewing on Hulu and now on to studying and sneaking in some viewings here and there.

Lost a friend…

It is strange to think of death as a reality when all you have experienced is your grandparents passing away. No close friends of mine have died. I have had acquaintances and friends past pass, but nothing like this. This was shocking. My friend has taught me so much from the time I met him. He was a mentor during tough times at AIU and introduced me to other possibilities outside of AIU. I appreciate his friendship and advice. The shitty thing about the whole situation is that although he had a quadruple bypass several months ago, he was doing much better. He had lost weight and was eating healthy. Apparently his body could not recover from the damage that had been caused in the past. I will miss you my friend and will light a candle in your memory!

Doctorate Program Started

Whelp, I have started a Doctorate of Management with a focus/concentration in Organizational Development and Change. Should be a ride! At minimum a 3 year program. At max 7. Just got back from first in class room time with my cohort. Some very intelligent people running this thing and participating. I felt like I had not quite put it out there for my life in comparison. More updates to come…

Toys

So these toys were from my childhood. A combination of muscle men, army ants and a Voltron Lion! Fantastic!! These are coming home from NH to PDX!

New Look!

I got tired of the mustache part of my beard getting in my mouth…so here is what I am going with now. Gray is really showing…